How Did You Even Get a License?

People who drive like idiots annoy the living shit out of me.  On what planet is it okay to operate a giant hunk of metal that travels at what is essentially terminal velocity at all times, and not be considered an expert?  Did I miss something, or are we just handing out death certificates with every new license plate the “bad boys” tap out in the yard down in the pen?

No, you’re not the only person on the road.  Please do not drive like you have a buffer zone of a billion miles, because there’s thousands of us out here who do not have time for your shit you terrible, ugly little driver with the entitlement stick up your ass.

Let me paint the picture here.  I’m riding down the road on my bike, (which means for you trolls who will no doubt call me and idiot for riding on a freeway on a bicycle, I was implying motorcycle,) in the left lane because the two right lanes were for exits.  Doin the speed limit.  Doin my thing.  I’m good, weather’s good, everything is okay.  Then, from out of nowhere, this asshat in what looks to be a tuna can on wheels and smells just the same flies up and keeps pace with me on the right.  So now there’s a jersey wall on the left, douchebag in a tuna can on the right.  I think nothing of it and accellerate slightly to move out of danger.

Now, for everyone who has seen a motorcycle out there before, this isn’t for you.  For those of you who haven’t, here’s a little snippet of what it’s like to see a rider.  When we hit the gas, it’s PLAINLY obvious.  My machine is a middleweight fighter and it does 0-60mph in less than 3 seconds, 175mph top speed.  It moves.  Fast.

So I had accelerated away.  Tuna-guy comes flying up again, keeping pace.  I look over at the ass and nod, as if to say “I can see you there, you’re welcome to ride next to me, don’t crash into me.”  He nods back.  Then waves.  Then looks straight ahead and literally with no blinker or warning starts to come into my lane.  I thought to myself “This fucker must be high.”  I beeped and made an angry gesture so he knew I was ticked.  Waving and nodding, he receeded into his lane with what I thought would be a sufficient enough jolt of embarassment and adrenaline to keep him away.

Yeah well… That was wrong.  He literally comes RIGHT back in and I had to swerve towards the wall to avoid him.  Beeping again, I angrily made obscene gestures that he would no doubt be able to interpret no matter where the fuck he was raised.  I accelerated out of there again breaking the limit by close to 25 mph just to get away, and to my surprise he zoomed his tuna can right back up and attempted to enter my lane again.

At this point, I’m not just scared, I’m fucking heated.  I wait until he get’s just close enough that he can’t see me and then BOOM, BOOM BOOM.  I kicked his driver side door and window as hard as I fucking could in an attempt to put a hole in that piece of shit he called a vehicle and then settled my machine. 

He was not happy and slowed down to get away from me like I was the one with the issue.  I don’t think he even had upwards of an 8th grade education.

The moral of the story here kids is that you’re not in an invincible shield when you’re driving and neither are the people around you.  If you wouldn’t do something standing in a line, walking at pace with those around you, DON’T.think it’s okay to do whatever that idiotic action is in a CAR! 

Question of the day: WHY is everyone such a fucking moron?

Confuscius say: Man who fart in church sit in lonely pew.

– The Captain



2 thoughts on “How Did You Even Get a License?

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