Well then I guess I’m a bully…

SOUND off –


TIme for me to piss off more people with what will inevitably be known as the “wrong” opinion because it’s most assuredly not shared by very many people.

Guess who doesn’t care.


This week kids I’d like to talk about bullying.  You know, the situation in which one insecure douchebag develops a habit of picking on one insecure wimpy bitch?  We’re all familiar with bullying and there seems to be some ridiculous trend of protecting people from being bullied and making kids who stand up to bullies look like heroes when in reality, they’re just growing up.  Frankly, that’s like a man thinking that just because he would never sexually assault a woman means he should get laid.  No pal, you should just not do those things.  Kinda like you should just stand up to a bully or not bully people to begin with – that’s just what you should and should not do, plain and simple.

Now look, I’m aware that there are certain situations wherein sometimes, there are just victims out there who don’t know what’s going on and really actually do need some help to figure out the situation and stop whatever it is that has them upset.  The fact still remains though that THEY need to be the ones who put an end to whatever it is that’s happening.  Sure, seek help and fine, ask for people’s advice and support, but in the end you need to open your mouth or cock your fist and show some god damned backbone.  People DO NOT rescue you in real life and you should never train yourself to believe that someone will come to your aid in situations.  I mean think about it, would you ever stand in front of a punch for someone else?  You might like to think you would, but when push comes to shove I bet you’re over there with everyone else pretending to trip over shit with your arms out so it looks like you were trying to help out in the fight, only to throw a vague little open fist into the fray once you know the danger has been subdued by someone who ACTUALLY has a spine and does things.  

The answer in short is no, you typically would not risk yourself for another.  That’s just how it is, and you can tell yourself you’d be right there fighting all you want but the stats show otherwise.  98% of the time in a physical altercation, bystanders do nothing to help and instead simply look on in horror waiting for someone else to fix the problem.  100% of the time, I make up my stats, but we all know they’re true enough.   


See here’s the kicker people, you’re NOT special!  We were all bullied at some point whether you’d like to admit it or not!  Just because you took it way too seriously and let it affect you as a person does not entitle you to any privileged opinion or weight on the issue.  The fact that someone calls attention to something you’re insecure about means that A. They’re a douchebag and what they said really doesn’t change who you are anyway so they can screw off, B. It’s something you probably know deep down you want to change anyway or C. It’s something you realistically have no control over and in which case have full permission to call attention so one of their own most horrifying defects.  Bullying/growing up is war.  Don’t hold back, and don’t ever take prisoners.  Just shoot to kill.  I mean, for christ’s sake, I had my head sat on, farted on and slammed in a locker all in one clean motion for days on end growing up, but that didn’t stop me from fighting back.  Yeah, he was way bigger than me and yeah, he would always just fart on my head some more, but the point is that I never just LET the kid do that.  I fought back.  I punched him in the face, I used my show and tell items to try and hurt him, I yelled out on the bus for my friends to help me beat his little ass, etc.

Did I sit there feeling sorry for myself wondering why someone would be so mean and get all existential about shit?  No.  I never wore black eyeliner or called anyone a conformist, I never blamed anyone else for my issues and most of all, I never gave up trying to fix them.  In my book, if you aren’t working toward a solution yourself, then you don’t deserve one.


And let’s just get real people we all know why bullying exists.  It’s just that you don’t want to believe why it’s happening.  Either A.  Someone else is insecure and finds solace in making others look worse than they do or B.  They’re bigger, stronger or smarter and simply enjoy making people feel bad.  They’re less common but they also tend to be the ones who end up in jail, so watch out for those.

Regardless of the reasons behind the actions, we all know they’re wrong.  What we don’t all know is that without everyone standing up for themselves, we’re never going to end it.  By enacting all these ridiculous bullying rules and in essence turning teachers into crazy witch-hunting bully monitors who suspend children for what would have been known as harmless pranks in the past instead of teaching, you’re killing the very building blocks of mental toughness.  You don’t just pop out of the womb with a strong resolve and great self-confidence and it’s not something you can achieve and hang on your wall never to be taken away.  These things are earned, hard, and struggled with to be kept whole.  No one has perfect morale and it’s not something you can just go buy at wal-mart, it’s a piece of yourself that you need to work with constantly.

There are reasons the ‘older generations’ seem to be able to deal with this stuff more easily than we do:  they HAD TO deal with this stuff.  No one shielded them and no one came to their rescue.  The most heartwarming stories are those that have the underdog winning  right?  Well if you take away the opportunity to be an underdog, what kind of story are we left with?  The kind where everyone plays, no one strikes out and everyone wins?  That’s bullshit and I enjoy competition.  If that’s the case, consider me officially a bully, because I aim to win and I don’t care who I step on to do it.   And you all can go suck one if you don’t like that, because winners always have haters.

Let’s end with this:

Bullies:  Cut the shit.  We all know you’re assholes and we all know you have issues and it really doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person if you DON’T make someone else look stupid just because you feel stupid yourself and don’t want anyone to notice.  So just stop it.  You make things worse.  We’d actually probably consider you a stronger person if you just said “Hey, you know man… I need help.  I’m not feeling okay about _____.  Can we just talk about it?”  And stop hiding behind the internet.  The difference between you and I is that I’ll say this shit all day long to your face and your mother’s when you “tell on me” and have her fight your battles for you.  I’ll talk shit to just about anyone because in the end, it’s legal to say what you want (save for slander) but it’s illegal to hit someone, so you have to just sit there and deal with my mouth you cowardly dirty asshole of a person… pickin’ on other people is just ridiculous.  Besides dude chances are you’re nothing special and you need to take a hard look in the mirror.  You’re probably a Ginger and that shit is just not easily fixed, so go get really good at some useful skill so people actually want you around when you’re older.


Bully Victims:  GROW. THE. FUCK. UP.  Stop with your whining and you suicide notes and all your asinine cries for attention.  None of the rest of us put THAT much weight on what anyone else said and chances are, if you do, you really need more help from the shrink that the bully does.  Get a thicker skin, stop defining yourself by what other people think, and start going out to enjoy the things that you enjoy just because you enjoy them and you’ll feel a lot better.  So someone called you fat.  Go work out and fix it, it’s not impossible, go watch Biggest Loser.  So they called you pizza face.  I refer you to just about every professional model in the industry at age 13.  So they said something mean about you or your friend or family.   FUCK them dude!  Who gives a shit what they say, and why does it matter!?  If it’s true and hurtful, chances are you’re hiding from it anyway and you should just deal with it then and there.

self-pity  Oh boo friggin hoo you god damned ninny.  Get over it.

I think I’ve covered my bases here.

Question of the Day:  Have you stood up for yourself today?

Confucius Say: Man who fight for nothing has nothing to fight for

– The Captain



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